PIECES OF MY HEART

PIECES OF MY HEART will be a collection of poems and will all be uploaded into this blog post.

I.

Forgive me,
I know that love is pleasure,
but love is also pain.
I love you so deeply that the very thought of your permanent absence leaves me breathless.
It causes a stabbing pain that radiates throughout my body and leaves me hunched over, weeping.
I cannot stay fully present, as it forces me to live in the future, where you've left and I'm alone.
You make up the very essence of my being.
You are my heart.
And how can I live without my heart?.
II.
You sat there, alone
surrounded by the cries and the noise and the chaos of others' longing for love.
But you sat there quietly, and looked at me with doleful eyes that told the story
of a lost soul with a despairing past and an unknown future
wanting the love that everyone was fighting for.
It was in that moment, another moment in time where life changed,
that our souls combined and you found the love you've been looking for.
III. 
Its 7:08pm on a muggy, Friday evening in August,
raindrops battering the window from the storm.
Jax sits atop his favorite spot on the brick ledge near the windowpane.
His tail slowly swaying back and forth,
gazing out, scanning for birds I imagine, but instead, watching the lightning fill up the sky.
The music and conversations from the bar below increase as people enjoy the start of the weekend.
And here I am, at 7:08pm on a Friday evening,
Lying on the couch, with the lights off, listening to the sounds of the storm and watching Jax as he sits atop his favorite spot on the brick ledge near the windowpane watching the lightning fill up the sky.

 

UTOPIA

My heart was accelerating as I fell down into a dark tunnel much like Alice falling down into the rabbit hole.

But I didn't fall into a rabbit hole. No, I fell down into Utopia.

Where all we had to do was look up and the entire universe was on display.

Where with every step we took the ground lit up a different color.

And an array of colors emerged with every word we spoke.

And those colors left our words to dance in the night sky like leaves dancing in the wind.

And everyone was together and jovial.

We chose our own pace in Utopia and we remained in the moments of pure bliss.

I was where I belonged. 

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL

To the girl with the ombre eyes that fade from brown to orange to yellow to green,

and the freckles on her nose, and the smile with imperfect teeth,

who sees so much beauty in the world but not within herself,

you are beautiful

GUILT

Abandonment, sorrow, loss, and anxiety; I presume these are some of the emotions you felt every single day.

And why?

Because I was stressed and I was lost and I wanted to run away,

thinking my problems would go away.

Guilt, guilt, guilt and more guilt; this is what I feel every single day.

And why?

Because I put you through so much, so fast, in so little time.

When all you did was show me love.

And this is my struggle every single day.

 

Untitled

I sat and watched stress walk out the door today.

He packed his bags and filled them with insecurity, despair and anxiety; all the things he brought with him that clouded my home.

What an amazing feeling it is when unwanted company finally leaves.

I am happy

SOUL SEARCHING

It's 4:26pm in the dead of winter shortly after the New Year.
I’m sitting in darkness and almost complete silence with only the natural light from outside beaming through my windows filling up some dark space in the room and the humming of the heater above blowing warmth down upon me.
Silence often brings comfort and peace to my mind and soul, however; today is different.
Today I plunged deep into the depths of my soul.
What I found was darkness.
Darkness that overpowered the light that was once shining so bright it radiated through my heart and veins.
It was a melancholy sight; the spirits of my most cherished memories tangled up in darkness instead of floating freely.
They surrendered to the darkness.
They surrendered to insecurity, fear, and self-judgment.
They surrendered to negativity.
I was dispirited.
I cried and I cried.
I wrote and I wrote.
I opened up.
I opened up and allowed my self-inflicted internal wounds to heal and then vanish.
Darkness was evicted and light settled in for good.
Written 1.16.18

 

MARY JANE

I slept in later than usual this morning after spending the evening with Mary Jane.
There is something about her that makes for a deep and peaceful slumber.
One taste of her and your senses begin to change.
Your body becomes tingly.
She e a s e s your mind.
Your soul begins to dance with laughter.
You physically become comfortably numb in her presence.
She follows you into your dreams and allows these feelings to extend into your mind as the world around you still goes until the morning sun wakens you.
She kisses you one last time before she slips away and your eyes open and your day starts.
What a beautiful way to spend the night; with Mary Jane. 

MICHAEL & THERESA

Laid to rest on a bitter, winters' day,
a brother, a husband, a father, a son.
Time will eventually heal this wound for all,
only to return in an Indian Summer. 
A sister, a daughter, a wife, a fighter,
laid to rest on a temperate autumns' day.
Time will again heal this wound for all. 

COMFORTABLE SILENCE

It was a dreary Monday morning on an Indian summer day.

The tapping of raindrops battering the window and the whistle of the wind sounding like a train permeated the air of an empty neighborhood where the families were off to work and children off to school.

I sat in silence on the black leather couch with tears and rips from the dogs that are peacefully sleeping next to me.

My mind that is normally filled with thoughts that go in every direction at all times of the day was empty. 

No doubts or fear of what the future will bring surrounded my soul.

No worrying.

No anxiety or sadness.

No loneliness.

Just peace and quiet and the subtle song of nature.

Just a moment to comfortably enjoy the silence. 

 

Written 10.2017

LOVE IS THE ANSWER

She sits alone in a quiet room,

Her mind like the intersection of Madison Square and Broadway.

Doubts, insecurities, and loneliness pushing away thoughts of contentment.

Salty droplets flowing when the bedroom door opens,

and the gentle touch of love overcomes the minds' obstacles. 

 

Written 10.2017

THOUGHTS

This space will be utilized for my writings (if I ever get the courage to share them).